“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” ~ Rumi

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What makes the world go around?

Love.

We all want a certain kind of love, don’t we? The one that sees us, holds us, hears us, frees us. The kind that makes our heart beat like it has never before. The one that fills our body with a joyful current, that makes us smile from ear to ear…the kind of smile that reaches our eyes and makes us shine.

The kind of love that makes everything in this world worthwhile. That gives meaning to the suffering, the existence, and the fighting that comes with simply being here.

The kind of love that makes us feel like our reality makes sense, even if it’s to just one person.

And that’s all we need. We need to feel warm, fuzzy, cozy.

The kind of love that nourishes, heals, flows…stays. The kind that fills our soul.

But the ground reality is different, isn’t it?

This kind of love is reserved for the big screen now, isn’t it?

Maybe.

But even then, movies and series tap into the deepest human desires and project them for us to see…so we can get in touch with what our heart truly wants.

So is it really fantasy?

No.

This is the kind of love we all want deep down, even if we never understand it or admit it.

This is the kind of love we are seeking devoid of logic and reason, hoping that this love itself will be reason enough.

But what happens in reality is different.

We search for this but settle for something else altogether. We settle for what looks like love but doesn’t feel like it. It’s there in declarations and proclamations, but you can’t feel it. You can’t trust it. It doesn’t stay.

Instead of filling you up, it starts to empty you. It closes its ears and shuts its eyes when your needs show up. It makes you feel small, insignificant, confused…alone. Instead of holding your hand and walking beside you every step of the way, it leaves you to navigate everything on your own. It doesn’t catch you when you’re falling. It becomes the reason you fall.

Maybe that’s why we fall in love and never rise because the love that we often witness isn’t really love, then, is it?

It’s fear, attachment, insecurity, control, self-preservation—all rolled into one.

And we call it love.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~ Stephen Chbosky

We settle because somewhere along the line we’ve become too good at convincing ourselves that this kind of love doesn’t exist or may be its not for us.

Look around you. Who has witnessed this kind of love? Very few perhaps because most of us are too busy telling ourselves the same story. And because we don’t want to be left alone, we want at least something; we look for it, and when we find that something, we cling to it. We settle. Sometimes we realise it, sometimes we don’t.

So how do you know you’re settling? You might be settling if:

1. You feel more anxious than secure in the relationship. You’re constantly overthinking, reading between the lines, analysing texts, wondering what they mean or didn’t mean. Instead of feeling at ease, your nervous system is always on edge. Love is supposed to ground you, not keep you guessing.

2. You constantly question where you stand. There is no clarity. No consistency. One day it feels okay, the next it doesn’t. You’re left trying to figure out if you matter, if this is going somewhere, if they even feel the same. Love doesn’t make you question your place in someone’s life again and again.

3. Your needs are dismissed, minimised, or labelled as “too much.” When you express what you need, you’re met with defensiveness, silence, or subtle invalidation. Over time, you start shrinking your needs, telling yourself to expect less. But your needs were never the problem—the inability to meet them was. At times, its none of these, yet you know you’re not fulfilled.

4. You are the one always adjusting, understanding, compromising. You bend, adapt, make space, excuse behaviour, and try to “understand” even when it hurts you. But the adjustment is one-sided, and slowly, you lose parts of yourself trying to make it work.

5. You feel alone even when you’re with them. You sit next to them, talk, spend time together…and yet something feels missing. There is no emotional connection, no depth, no real presence. It’s one of the loneliest places to be, feeling unseen where you should feel held.

6. You keep hoping things will change if you try harder. You believe that if you love better, communicate better, give more, be more patient, something will shift. But love isn’t something you earn through effort. And the more you try, the more you exhaust yourself in a loop that rarely changes.

7. You are more drained than fulfilled. Instead of feeling energised and supported, you feel tired, emotionally heavy, mentally exhausted. The relationship starts taking more from you than it gives, and yet you keep holding on.

8. You are afraid to express yourself fully. You think twice before speaking, filter your words, hold back your emotions. Not because you don’t have anything to say but because you don’t feel safe enough to say it. Love should expand your voice, not silence it.

9. You feel like you have to earn love instead of simply receiving it. You show up more, do more, give more, hoping it will make you worthy. But love is not something you should have to perform for. When it’s real, it meets you where you are.

10. You stay because of potential, not reality. You see what they could be, what the relationship could become. You hold on to glimpses and promises. But reality keeps showing you something else and that’s the hardest part to accept.

So perhaps the real shift you need to make is to move from constantly falling in and out of love…to rising in love.

But how do we really get there?

How do you allow yourself to move from constantly settling and falling…to rising and thriving? Well, like everything in life, it begins with you.

1. When you start tuning in to yourself instead of constantly tuning into the other person. You stop making them the centre of your emotional world and begin to listen to your own thoughts, feelings, and needs. You ask yourself what feels right, what doesn’t, and you actually take those answers seriously.

2. When you show up with love for yourself, not just for others. You stop pouring everything outward and begin to include yourself in the care, compassion, and kindness you so freely give others. You become someone who holds themselves, not just others.

3. When you honour your needs instead of abandoning them. You stop minimising what you feel. You recognise that your needs are valid, and instead of suppressing them to keep the peace, you start respecting them—even when it’s uncomfortable.

4. When you stop justifying behaviour that hurts you. You stop making excuses for actions that don’t sit right with you. You stop trying to “understand” your way into tolerating pain. You call things what they are.

5. When you learn to filter the weeds, the ones who don’t show up for you. You begin to notice who is actually present, who holds space, who reciprocates—and who doesn’t. And slowly, you stop investing in spaces that don’t invest in you.

6. When you give it time instead of rushing into attachments. You stop forcing connection. You allow things to unfold. You observe, you feel, you take your time to see what’s real and what’s not.

7. When you choose clarity over confusion. You stop romanticising mixed signals. You understand that confusion is not depth—it’s a lack of alignment. And you begin to move toward what feels clear and steady.

8. When you become patient enough to wait for what truly aligns. You stop settling out of fear of being alone. You trust that what is meant for you will meet you when you are no longer abandoning yourself.

Because the truth is the right kind of love doesn’t confuse you. It doesn’t make you shrink or question your worth.

It meets you, holds you, and stays.

The love you are looking for is not lost; it’s not unrealistic or reserved for fiction.

Perhaps, it’s just waiting for you to come home to yourself first because when you do, you stop settling.

And that is when you stop falling in love and finally begin to rise in it.

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