When I got married, I received a lot of advice.

Although some pieces were good, they weren’t quite useful in real-life situations.

I mean, let’s be honest, going to bed angry is often unavoidable. And keeping score is sometimes okay—if it’s helpful.

Looking back, I wanted someone to be honest with me. After six years of marriage, now I know the best relationship advice no one really tells us.

Whether you’re a newlywed or just dating someone, take this advice to heart:

Have realistic expectations about love and relationships.

Happily ever after is bullsh*t. It’s wrong and misleading. And I’m not supposed to say this, but I will: Some days you might wake up and feel like you hate your partner. Other days you might feel like the luckiest person on Earth. Both feelings are okay and normal.

Everybody says that this kind of love is unhealthy—that your love should be linear. They say that your relationship or marriage shouldn’t abruptly shift from feelings of happiness and satisfaction to feelings of resentment and dismissal.

Guess what? Love will never (and shouldn’t) be linear. It’s full of ups and downs. It’s a hell of a roller coaster ride that might not always be pleasant. But the problem is we don’t know that.

We often romanticize relationships, thinking that love should be perfect and devoid of conflicts. We expect grand gestures and think that chemistry is enough. The highs make us fall deeper in love while we see the lows as huge red flags.

However, not every low is a red flag, and not every high leads to growth. The whole point of relationships is to help us evolve and grow—individually and together. But growth sometimes requires conflicts and misunderstandings. We might have to clash before we can see where we meet.

If we lower our unrealistic expectations about love, we can deepen our relationships. Having realistic expectations can help us become truly happy. And I know it’s not easy. This kind of love is extremely difficult and unromantic. But it’s real…and it’s so worth it.

It involves accepting our partner for who they are and being willing to navigate challenges together. It’s about accepting that our partner won’t always make us happy—and we won’t always make them happy either. There will be times when hatred might fill the room, and it’s okay, because deep inside you will find an unmovable bond that doesn’t easily crack. Bad days don’t break your commitment to each other; they strengthen them.

We need to unlearn what we know about love and redefine the real meaning of relationships. Slowly but surely, we will learn that intention is the most important thing—not fairytales. When we are genuinely intentional, nothing can break you apart. Conflicts, then, turn into opportunities that are meaningful, and the lows instantly lead us to the highs. As long as you are willing and know how to repair your ruptures, your relationship will remain healthy and happy.

So, stop trying to create the “perfect” relationship. Imperfection is exactly what makes a relationship authentic.

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