62 million views on a forum that coaches men on how to drug their wives, girlfriends, dates so they can be raped, filmed, and worse, without being caught, and they wonder why we choose the bear.

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— Elizabeth Wingfield (@quirkygrrrl.bsky.social) April 20, 2026 at 10:24 AM

I’m not here to debate the accuracy of this number.

Whether it was 62 million men or 62 million hits in one month is irrelevant. And for anyone debating the number, you are missing the whole point and devaluing every woman who has been abused in the process.

The fact is this: there is a “rape academy” website that has received a huge volume of hits. This is the discussion piece. This is the appalling news. This should be the cause of outrage.

The fact is this: there is a disgusting online site where depraved men can hang out and get tips on how to drug and rape women. Not just strangers but their partners. Where they can record the filth they are perpetrating to “impress” other depraved men.

It doesn’t matter if it’s 62 million, 62 thousand, 62 hundred, or 62 men. What matters is it’s happening and this broken, misaligned, disconnected, misguided, and incredibly dangerous culture is growing.

To the men defending, dismissing, minimising, or simply ignoring this issue—we need you to wake up and start being the leaders, providers, and protectors so many of you say you are. Your mothers, grandmothers, sisters, daughters, partners, and friends are not safe. Have never been safe.

And if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the f*cking problem.

To the women who are still processing this news—we aren’t angry enough. We are not the problem here, nor can we fix it. But we can stand up, speak up, and support each other.

I guess it really is no surprise that such atrocities take place, especially after witnessing the Gisèle Pelicot case. After watching the Epstein files be ignored and powerful people walk around abusing their power. After seeing victim after victim invalidated. After seeing case after case of sexual assaults and abuse of both women and children get dismissed or the perpetrator receiving a slap on the wrist.

Over and over again, we bear witness to the broken system and broken people within it. Over and over again, we blame the victim. Over and over again, we make excuses for the disgusting behaviour of these men.

So no, it’s not all men—but it’s enough of them. And how the hell are we supposed to determine who is safe and who isn’t? Because it’s not just strangers perpetrating the rape and abuse, it’s partners, fathers, grandfathers, brothers, sons, bosses, work colleagues, and friends. It’s trusted men and strangers.

Women and children will never be safe until all “good” men stand up against the abusers. The rapists. The misogynists. This is a problem with men, in a society they created, and women cannot fix it.

This is why women choose the bear.

If you’re a man and you still don’t understand this, it’s time for deep self-reflection. None of this is masculine. True masculinity is a beautiful thing. It’s courageous, whereas these men are cowards. Masculinity in its purist form is healthy. These men are sick.

A good masculine man is emotionally regulated, knows how to communicate, and has a deep love for women. These men are depraved and violent. A truly masculine man is strong in his convictions, his character, and the way he holds himself and those he loves. These men are nothing but weak and pathetic. They crave power and control because they feel powerless and out of control, with an inner self-hatred that is only appeased when they get attention and validation from men like themselves.

If this upsets you as a man, ask yourself why? Because if you are not these things and you are crusading to change and call out men’s behaviour, this isn’t about you. But if you’re sitting back being ignorant, dismissive, invalidating, or refusing to empathise with women’s fears and concerns, this absolutely is for you.

We need you to wake the f*ck up because your apathy allows the abuse to continue. Think you don’t know any abusers? Think again. Almost every woman I know has dealt with some sort of sexual harassment or abuse, yet men never seem to know any abusers. Why is that?

And now we have sites to traffic and abuse women and children. Instructional guides on how to best do it. And we just sit back and let it happen? It’s someone else’s wife, mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, or friend, so it’s not our problem? But it is all of our problem and it will fester and spread if we don’t stop it.

This is what happens when “boys will be boys,” when men’s inappropriate behaviour has been dismissed and accepted. It’s what happens in a patriarchal society that has always been hellbent on controlling women. It’s what happens when you put a victim on trial and suggest she did something to allow herself to be raped or abused. Somehow she deserved it. In no other crime do we question a victim about what they wore, what they said, why they froze and couldn’t defend themselves, the way we do a rape victim. Why is that? Because in a patriarchal society it’s always a woman’s fault.

Not all men—but too damn many.

So it’s time to stop saying “not all men” and start recognising it’s almost every woman:

Every woman who has in some way been harassed or violated by a man.
Every woman who checks over her shoulder when she walks or runs in the dark.
Every woman who scans her surroundings, not because she’s paranoid but because she’s protecting her safety.
Every woman who sends her location to friends or family when she goes on a date.
Every woman who knows a woman who has been raped.

Stop feeling personally attacked because the conversation has gotten close enough to include you as a man and start empathising with the women who are the victims on the other end of that conversation.

Because now it’s not only about ensuring our drinks don’t get spiked in public but also trusting our partner doesn’t spike our coffee. And whilst that’s partly jest for many of us, it certainly isn’t for the victims of the “rape academy” or the many other victims who experience this daily, because I bet they trusted their partner too.

We really are not angry enough.

It’s not all men who make women fearful, but all women have experienced fear because of men. Let that sink in.
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“In a world where women are systemically subjugated to men’s violence—it is the responsibility of men, not women, to prove that it’s ‘not all men.’ And you don’t prove it by convincing women to trust men; you prove it by convincing men not to violate women.” ~ Farida D

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If you enjoyed this article from Michelle, check out their previous Elephant Journal article:

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