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We throw around the term “high maintenance” like it’s an insult.

Like it’s something to avoid. Like its code for difficult, demanding, exhausting.

And on the flip side, we glorify “easygoing” like it’s the gold standard.

How many times have you heard these phrases tossed around?

“She’s so chill.”
“He’s so low maintenance.”
“They’re just easy to be around.”

And sure, that sounds nice.

But I’ve come to realize something: I prefer high-maintenance people.

Not the dramatic, unreasonable, everything-is-a-crisis kind. But the ones who know themselves—and who tell us exactly who they are and what they need.

Over the years, this is what I have come to find about high-maintenance people, and why I am happy to “maintain” the ones who are some of my closest friends.

For one, high-maintenance folks know exactly what they need and communicate it clearly, even if it’s not always pretty. They don’t say “everything is fine” when it’s not. They’ll tell you if something feels off. They’ll let you know if they need something different.

They don’t pretend to be chill and then explode later. They don’t swallow things for weeks and then bring up 10 unrelated issues at once. They don’t leave you second guessing what’s going on in their head. There’s no decoding one-word, passive-aggressive responses.

And honestly, that alone makes life so much easier.

Is it always comfortable? No.

But you’re never sitting there wondering, “Are they okay?” while something quietly builds underneath.

Also, I love that high-maintenance people (like me) have standards, and they (like me) don’t apologize for it. They won’t accept things just to keep the peace. They don’t dilute what they feel just to seem “easy.” They are clear about their boundaries—if something is off, you’ll know. They will also tell you how to show up for them.

That kind of emotional clarity? I say, “Bring it!”

One place where we as a society have it completely wrong is when we assume high-maintenance people are harder to deal with. Because, in my experience, clarity makes things easier.

And not to be too harsh—and this is not always the case—but those who pride themselves on being low maintenance? What they’re really doing is:

Avoiding conflict.

Suppressing their needs.

Going along with things they’re not entirely okay with.

And then, at some point, it leaks. It comes out as passive-aggression, distance, or quiet resentment.

That “ease” wasn’t ease—it was delay.

I’ll take uncomfortable honesty over polite silence any day.

Now, I’m not saying everyone has to be high maintenance. And I’m definitely not saying I get everything right either. But I’ve reached a point where I value clarity over convenience. I want honesty over being “chill.” Self-awareness over silence.

And, hey, if that comes with a little more honesty, a little more directness, a little more “maintenance,” I’ll take it.

Because in the long run, that’s not harder.

It’s just more real.

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