What can I do to make my relationship happier?

This is a question we often ask ourselves. Even the happiest couples constantly strive for better relationships.

We think of all the habits we can introduce to strengthen the bond. We create daily rituals. We craft small moments of connection. We check in with each other. We nurture curiosity and maintain individual space.

We put in the work because we want to make our relationship last. However, we also focus on improvements. What can I do more? What new habits can I implement? We rarely think of what we can surrender to sustain a happy relationship. Because the truth is it’s not always the introduction of habits that makes relationships happier—sometimes it’s their omission.

When it comes to romantic relationships, giving up some habits can be surprisingly transformative. Instead of doing more, maybe we need to do less. Fostering genuine connection requires slowing down and rethinking some old habits and patterns.

Here are a few things to give up:

1. The need to be right.

Our primary goal should be connection—not self-righteousness. When we prioritize connection over ego-driven outcomes, we slowly build empathy and understanding in our relationship. When we have the urge to prove ourselves right and our partner wrong, we need to stop and make space for new solutions, perspectives, and end results.

2. False assumptions. Communication is the only way to help us let go of any false expectations we may have in our relationship. We need to challenge our negative and obsessive thoughts and revert to clarification. Regardless of how tough the situation is, we should be brave enough to ask our partner the questions that can de-escalate the tension.

3. Control.

To build a happier and better relationship, we need to relinquish the idea that we can control or change our partner; we can’t control the relationship either. The only thing we can do is control our own behaviors, emotions, reactions, and actions so we can be better partners. Instead of control, consider self-regulation and open, honest communication.

4. Conflict resolution.

The idea that we need to solve every single problem in our relationship is a misconception and is often misunderstood. Unsolvable problems are okay. We don’t need to fix everything that goes wrong, but we have to be able to differentiate between petty issues and major issues.

5. The pressure to understand your partner.

Well, it’s impossible. We might not always be able to understand what our partner feels or means, and that’s completely normal. Having different experiences and perspectives eventually creates inevitable misunderstandings. However, we need to be willing to learn more about our partner and support them while they grow, change, and evolve; that’s more important than fake understanding.

6. The idea that your relationship should remain the same.

It won’t—because you will never be the same. The dynamic nature of human beings forces our relationships to be dynamic too. We might have to revisit old habits and rebuild new routines and perspectives many times in our relationships. Evolution shouldn’t scare you—stagnation should.

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