Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough.

No matter what I do or say, doubt haunts me and keeps me awake until dawn.

I’ve lived with low-esteem for most of my life. And the truth is…it sucks.

It sucks having to live with an internal voice that keeps telling you that you could’ve done better. There’s a virtual finish line that you never really see because you have set it so high that it has become impossible to reach.

And you just can’t stop. You can’t stop beating yourself up for mistakes. You can’t stop chasing perfectionism while you know very well that you may never attain it. You can’t stop thinking. You can’t stop feeling.

You can’t stop being someone you’re not…

Sadly, when you suffer from low self-esteem, you never truly know who you are. You constantly adopt other people’s stories and opinions because you want to fit in badly. You think that your own stories don’t matter. You wholeheartedly believe that your opinions make no sense, so you hide.

You hide who you are and reshape your habits just so one single person validates you or shows you a grain of affection.

Pema Chödrön, the Buddhist nun and author, talks extensively about maitri—the unconditional love and compassion with oneself. She explains how important it is to become friends with our inner fears and worries. Because embracing our vulnerability can open our hearts and help us to acknowledge our weaknesses.

Chödrön also talks about how we should stop chasing a better self. She says:

“We can drop the fundamental hope that there is a better ‘me’ who one day will emerge. We can’t just jump over ourselves as if we were not there.”

Honestly, this quote hits me where it hurts. Those of us who constantly experience feelings of worthlessness know how accurate those words are. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I keep waiting for another me—a smarter one, a prettier one, a kinder one.

I judge myself as if I’m not there. I criticize my actions and words as if I can’t listen to my own inner voice. How awful is that? I wouldn’t hurt the ones I love. Why do I keep hurting me? Because I think that my current self is not worth the love and kindness that I freely give others.

The truth is there will never be a better me; I am at my best now. All I have to do is accept the version of me that is here now without chasing another self that is fake. It’s so goddamn hard. But I’m here, you’re here, and we can tame our feelings of inadequacy if we focus on our growth and values.

Other people don’t matter. Our past experiences may have shaped who we are now, but they don’t control us. We can’t rewrite our hurtful stories, but we can reframe them. We can see where it hurts and choose to feel it all. Because feeling it all will eventually dissolve it all.

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