“… to be in any sort of relationship where you do not express yourself, simply to keep the peace, is a relationship ruled by one person and will never be balanced or healthy.” ~ Bronnie Ware

I want to share something tender.

Something I’ve wrestled with my whole life.

It’s the ache of wanting to be liked and the quiet courage it takes to let go of that need.

For so many years, I shaped myself around the approval of others. I said “yes” when I meant “no,” smiled when something hurt, gave up my own needs to smooth over tension, and swallowed words that were begging to be spoken.

Maybe you’ve done that, too. At the moment, it felt safer, didn’t it? There were fewer conflicts and less chance of rejection that way.

But deep inside, I was feeling angry, frustrated, hurt, powerless, and invisible, and part of me kept thinking…

Isn’t there more to me than this?

Here’s what I’ve come to learn from living a long life on this precious earth:

Self-love is not selfish. It’s self-full. Self-love can be messy and lonely, but it’s also the path back home to our true spirit.

When People Pleasing is Self-Betrayal

It’s hard enough to brush off the opinion of a stranger, but when disapproval comes from a parent, a partner, or a lifelong friend, that’s when the tug-of-war begins.

I’ve often caught myself thinking, If I just stay quiet, maybe we’ll be able to keep the peace and our relationship will be okay again.

But each time I betrayed myself, something inside me wilted, and after experiencing life lesson after life lesson, I finally have learned the painful truth:

No amount of approval from others can fill the emptiness that comes from abandoning yourself.

What Self-Love Really Feels Like

Self-love isn’t just bubble baths and affirmations (though I love both). Sometimes self-love can be lonely and nurturing all at the same time.

Loving yourself is about honoring your truth and wisdom even when no one else seems to “get” you.

It’s saying to yourself, “I hear your point of view, but I can’t make it my own.”

It’s also knowing that you can deeply love someone without always agreeing with them.

It takes tremendous courage to finally decide that your self-worth isn’t up for debate, and it takes an equal amount of courage to remember that your light isn’t dim just because someone else can’t see it.

Life in America: Why the Courage to Speak Your Truth Matters Even More Now

We live in a time of loud opinions and deep divisions at the dinner table, online—everywhere.

People that we’ve known for years suddenly feel like strangers in the way they think and feel, and because everyone doesn’t see this administration with the same lens, we often find ourselves caught between wanting to maintain old relationships—feeling shocked at what they say and believe—and muting ourselves so we don’t rock the boat.

Anyone else going through this? If you’ve been trying to avoid disagreements and heated political debates to keep peace, here’s one question:

If we all silence ourselves, who will speak the truths that heal?

Five Gentle Practices for Standing in Your Light

These aren’t just practices. They are ways of remembering who you are:

1. Pause Before Responding

Take a breath. Remind yourself: I am safe to hold my truth.

2. Untangle Worth from Approval

Your value isn’t tied to whether others nod along.

3. Boundaries Without Walls

Saying “I’m not comfortable debating this.” can be both kind and firm.

4. Daily Truth Affirmation

Say to yourself: “I honor my wisdom. I listen without losing myself.”

5. Breathe Your Own Breath

Stay grounded in your own energy, not swept into theirs.

Refusing to Betray Yourself is a Win for the Art of Self-Love

Every time you choose authenticity over people pleasing, you send a love note to your soul that says:

I matter. My truth matters. My light matters.

If you’d like a healing call to action this week, notice one moment when you had the urge to make yourself small, invisible, or smooth things, and instead of demeaning and diminishing yourself, choose to take a sacred pause, breathe deeply, and share your truth with strength, courage, and love.

Stay open to listening to the other person, too. You might shift. They might not. Either way, remember:

You are not here to betray yourself for someone else’s comfort. You are here to live as you. Radiant, unapologetic, and free.

~

Bonus Gift from my heart to yours:

As a gift from my heart to yours, I channeled a “heart-whisper and intuitive blessing” to help you stay in a place of self-love, trust, self-worth, and personal truth.

Precious One…

May you honor your open heart, even when the world says, “be tough.”

Your softness is sacred.

Your tears are holy water.

May you let go of timelines

And settle into trust.

You are not late for the game today–

You are right on time for your life.

With tenderness and light,

Melody (Cheryl Melody Baskin)