View this post on Instagram

 

It hurts when those we love make us doubt our own emotions.

We feel unseen, unheard, and alone. We feel as if our reality is a lie.

When someone dismisses our experiences and how we feel about them, we may doubt ourselves. We think that, maybe, we’re overreacting or being too sensitive.

And so we hope to find connection and relationships that foster a sense of belonging. But we often forget that sometimes we’re the ones who hurt ourselves the most...

We forget that the only relationship we must nurture every single day is the one we have with our own emotions.

We dismiss our experiences and how we feel about them without realizing that self-acceptance is more important than the need to feel heard or seen.

I’ve always sought and expected emotional validation from others. Knowing that my emotions and experiences matter makes me undeniably happy. Unfortunately, I’ve recently realized that I tend to invalidate myself…a lot.

I minimize my feelings to avoid the discomfort of reality. Lying to myself has been shielding me from the pain of rejection. When I ignore my feelings, I don’t have to confront those who have triggered them.

My lack of self-worth hasn’t been helpful either. The unconscious belief that I’m not good enough has caused me to neglect my own needs and desires. It has left me feeling empty while constantly filling other people’s cups.

Here’s how I’ve been belittling my own feelings:

1. I think others have it worse.

2. I think my emotions are silly.

3. I think I’m being too sensitive.

4. I think I’m overreacting.

5. I think I should stop thinking.

6. I think I’m being weak.

7. I think I should be more capable of controlling my emotions.

8. I think I should keep it to myself.

9. I think I should get over it.

Unfortunately, the more I reject my feelings, the more they escalate. Suppressing them hasn’t been working out for me, and making myself believe they don’t exist is just impossible.

Well, I don’t treat myself with the same kindness I offer others. I would never tell someone I love that their emotions are unwanted or too intense. I would never make them feel unvalued and worthless. Why I would make myself feel that way?

Slowly, I’m learning to soften and relax. When big, confusing emotions come up, I’m refraining from describing them. I’m trying to put any self-created labels aside and focus on the feeling instead. No matter how uncomfortable or scary it is, I’m learning to observe it.

How do I validate myself now? I tell myself that it’s okay to feel that emotion. Feeling it is safe, normal, and expected. My feelings are hard, but they are also important. They are valid. They are real.

One of the best things we can do to support ourselves is to shift our perspective on our emotions. Instead of perceiving them as scary, unhealthy, silly, or threatening, we can see them as a necessary part of our personal growth.

The truth is we can’t keep running away from strong emotions. We don’t even have to understand or decode them. All we have to do is accept how we are feeling in this moment without judging or shaming ourselves. It’s amazing how when we learn to validate ourselves, we automatically learn how to validate others and how they feel.

Be open and curious about your experiences and let your triggered emotions flow. Emotional challenges don’t have to be that difficult, trust me. So breathe and keep checking in with yourself: How am I feeling today? How am I feeling right now?

All emotions are okay.

All emotions are safe.

I’m staying here.

I’m not running away.

I’m okay.

~