This is a love letter to my dear Mikado, who left this earth plane in May.

Mikado had spent many years with me, and we lived together in all the places I have been to since 2014—the year marking the beginning of my awakening journey. He was part of all the steps of the journey, met all the souls and protagonists. I rescued him in Paris; he lived in Cambodia, in Toulouse in different houses, travelled to Germany, to Thailand…Mikado’s spirit is the representation of wisdom, of sacred serenity, of mysticism.

Mikado was a guardian—he helped me and guided the steps, especially when it comes to the masculine in my life. Mikado suddenly got ill of cancer on the day of Easter (gallbladder). In two weeks, he was gone. I went to many vet clinics, did everything. I prayed every minute. But it was his time. My interpretation is that he took the pain that I was feeling in my relationship, and transmuted himself as a part of his sacred work of unconditional love. Understanding this caused guilt, sadness, and anger. But also a sense of magic, of unconditional love, and of wholeness. Yes, everything is one. Even Mikado’s departure for another world is a direction—not just a goodbye. Also, he is joyfully leading me toward the path of animal communication. I’m grateful for his unshakeable presence in my life.

Here is your letter, sweet one.

~

You were my best friend, my first baby,

Today has been a month since you’ve been gone.

You see, for a second, I was mad at you

How could you leave that fast, without warning,

Run away almost

Without letting me know.

You came in the year I became the woman I am now.

The year of the leaps, of the travels, of the soul contracts

The year of freedom, the year of the blonde guy with blue eyes

The year of the temples, the year of truth,

The year of the rice fields, the year of my second birth, the year of the boungainvillea trees.

I realize that I have never been myself without you.

We wrote together, we danced, we sang, we smiled

I think you know me more than anyone else does

I think you know all the souls of my life: nobody does.

You were all the steps, all the planes, all the trips

All the faces, all the thorns, all the suns, all the colours life chose to send me.

Green profound eyes dressed in white

Sacred depth disguised as cat.

You were not a cat,

You were not even a friend.

You were my soul mate, my writing gate,

My doorway into poetry, my first researcher’s lines,

My lovers, my Cambodia, my first oracle cards, my first healing sessions,

Your little white paws, listening.

Were you real? Whose soul is within you?

You were my Angel already when you were alive.

In your last few days, I didn’t know you were going to go,

Did I choose to not see?

So I fought for your life.

I thought I was fighting for you.

Can you recall your entrance in my life?

You got sick as well,

We fought for your life too.

I thought this was a repetition, a rehearsal of your usual dance of love

But that was your goodbye, your exit,

Your last meowing words.

I saw you rejecting life, rejecting food.

You were so fast in that song

You couldn’t play that quickly, I thought,

So I fought for you.

We fought with everyone else,

We tried to save you.

A thousand souls were watching you.

Just after we left,

Our home,

Which had become a zone of storms,

After I ran away, we ran away: I thought this was one of your new guiding games,

To take me out of the dark woods,

You left.

Almost as soon as we were out.

Was this marking the end of our shared soul contract?

Who could have fathomed.

I saw your immense sturdy body become slim

More each hour,

Each day, you lost some of your sparkle,

Of your muscular song,

So I fought for you.

You left us, I’m so sorry, you see:

In the grey cold room of a clinic

We had no choice,

I had no choice.

I want you to know that I slept with you,

Every night,

All these nights you were sick

I was sitting a few meters next to you,

Waiting rooms of these cat hospitals

On a chair

Brushed my teeth in their restroom

Almost didn’t eat,

Like you.

I never moved.

For years, we were taken apart at night

Oh, I should have been so strong

I did find you again, at night,

You see, to remember our warm ancient nights under the Moon

Your curiosity, my boungainvillea trees, your tropics

Our 2 a.m. games in the purple Parisian room.

They say that they are sorry, and they are, but they don’t know fully:

Only you, you and I know

What it was to love you like this, without conditions, without hope

Only you know how it was to love me like this

Silently, that eloquently though.

Wherever you are, my sweet first baby,

I hope they have books, songs, birds to watch, and a little girl to watch over.

You were my guardian, you were my magic, you were my soul.

You were the divine masculine in flesh.

You taught me what true love is.

You see, we shouldn’t speak in past tone

From where you are now, we are stronger:

Our bond is unbreakable

We are limitless, over-expanding, always strong

I understand your move, you see:

You left as a direction, as a final signpost on the road.

I see you.

I’m grateful for you.

You were never “just a cat”: you were a poem, you were divine wisdom, you were a teacher, and, up until the end, you taught.

You left, maybe,

Because I wanted to.

Sacred mirroring.

Your liver anger is mine.

Your gallbladder is my own pain, which you took.

You opened my way up to the unknown.

Only you and I know,

You are everywhere, ever-present,

You are in every song, in every whisper, in each Tarot card I pull without your paws

In all inspiring thoughts, in each of my crazy ideas.

You are the eternal flame

My eternal love.

You see, the night you left,

Even the choir stopped

Its songs,

9 p.m.

Only you could do so.

My sweet Sacred Cat Emperor,

Here is a gift to your magic,

To your power,

To your ancient wisdom,

To your intuitive gifts

To your softness, to your love.

Only now that you are gone, I do know, that:

We are forever strong, forever friends, forever white and green, forever teachers, forever scribes, forever travelers, forever students, forever the Sun, forever sacred, forever higher, forever jewels, forever poems, forever the Moon, forever untamable, forever unpredictable, forever Tarot readers, forever the sweetest, forever wild, forever bold, forever wise, forever Asian, Jewish and French, forever in love, forever maps of the world, forever indoor kids, forever hunters, forever life, forever newness, forever death, forever love, forever inextinguishable, forever that bonded that they don’t get it, forever teachers, forever saints, forever sinners, forever dreamers, forever sacred bond, forever gold, forever me and you.

~