*Editor’s Note: This article is part of a series. You can read part three here.

Recognizing the signs of emotional withdrawal during conflicts is not always easy.

For those who are familiar with stonewalling, it may be easier for them to detect when their partner keeps them at arm’s length.

But for those who become overly consumed by their emotions, they may not realize that their partner is gradually dissociating and may push even harder to get them to reconnect or communicate with them.

That’s why it’s crucial to become acquainted with emotional withdrawal so we don’t rush into solutions that don’t work. If we’re the ones who usually shut down during conflicts, recognizing the signs may help us to snap out of our behavior and reconnect with our partner.

How do we rule out signs of emotional withdrawal?

We need to be on the lookout for the following communication blocks:

1. They may become unresponsive.

2. They may lash out.

3. They may get defensive.

4. They may exhibit dismissive behavior.

5. They may refuse to participate in the conversation.

6. They may stop talking altogether.

7. They may avoid eye contact.

8. They may act busy.

9. They may tell the listener they’re right when they are actually wrong.

10. They may invalidate the listener’s experience or emotions.

11. They may respond with fake affirmations—such as “yes” or “okay.”

12. They may stop giving verbal cues.

13. They may stop answering questions.

All these signs have one thing in common: they make us feel rejected.

They make us feel unworthy and hard to love. Even if we make sure that we are heard, having to deal with a partner who shuts down emotionally ultimately makes us feel unheard.

This type of behavior sounds cruel. It’s tough to see our partner moving away from us while we are invested in the relationship.

However, we need to understand that emotional withdrawal is often a protective response. Before we hate on our partner, we need to rethink our approach and get to know them deeply.

You may be surprised to learn that most relationship problems stem from the fact that we are in the dark about our partner’s past, childhood, and love history.

If we learn more about their triggers, fears, and traumas, we may be able to discover what makes them detach. When our partner hasn’t been able to form a deep, authentic connection with us, they may be too focused on how not to exacerbate the problem.

In the upcoming third part, I will discuss why some partners unconsciously create a pattern of emotional withdrawal and how we can approach them and restore gentle conversations.

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