Regardless of how unhealthy a relationship is, people often find it hard to admit that their relationship is complex.

This confession is hard. It goes against the principles that we have established at the beginning with our partner.

Between you and me, setting boundaries early on in a relationship feels easy. When we’re in the first stage of love—the “honeymoon” phase—we verbally establish any value that guarantees relationship longevity.

However, this phase that is characterized by infatuation and complete admiration of our partner is short-lived. Before too long, the state of euphoria fades and the values we have set become hard to practice. Slowly but surely, we enter the “power struggle” stage where reality sets in.

Our flaws and differences kick in. We remove our rose-tinted glasses and realize that our partner is not perfect. Our idealized versions gradually fade away, and conflicts start to increase. This phase, in spite of its complexity, is inevitable. Whether you’re in love or not, you will eventually experience a myriad of conflicts.

Nothing can prevent this phase. No matter what you do or think, your differences will eventually override the good sex, the good late-night talks, and the chemistry. So, let’s agree that all relationships are meant to go through the honeymoon and the power struggle phase.

Now, if you get stuck in the power struggle phase, chances are you might be in a toxic relationship. It feels like you are in perpetual conflict with your partner. No matter how hard you try to solve your problems, your problems always reappear and always try to solve them with the same old methods.

And your same old methods won’t work. They will lead the relationship to a whole new phase that has no exits. Couples either separate during that phase or they deny that their relationship is too complex. Their unresolved issues become their normal, and instead of focusing on new ways, they focus more on the differences.

In a healthy relationship, the growth phase comes after the power struggle phase. Partners enjoy the calm after the storm, and their differences no longer scare them or push them away. They find a middle ground and a safe space where they express their needs and expectations peacefully.

The growth phase is where partners truly grow. Although conflicts don’t entirely go away, they transform into something deeper. Acceptance and surrender kick in. Partners know each other’s flaws, yet they consciously choose each other without triggering each other. They know what works and what doesn’t.

They don’t try to change or control each other. They accept who they are, unconditionally, while maintaining firm and clear boundaries. They respect each other’s perspectives, without forcing the other to adopt them. They know they might not be right, but they couldn’t care less about who’s right and who’s wrong. They don’t win arguments; they win each other.

On the other hand, if couples aren’t there yet, they might be trapped in the stagnation phase. That’s where they start surviving, never fully experiencing the true meaning of love. Even if they deeply love each other, they might not have the right tools to elevate their relationship. They just keep reliving the past while cursing the present and fearing the future.

Can we ever turn toxic relationships around? Of course. To repair their broken connection and restore the trust between them, couples need to move past the differences and flaws and move into acceptance. When they accept each other, they can find ways to meet halfway despite all the struggles and complexities.

And remember, we’re the ones who create toxic relationships. When we haven’t healed our wounds yet, it’s extremely difficult to build healthy relationships. A happy, long-term relationship starts with us. We just need to rewrite our old stories and stop operating from pain.

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