When I was pregnant, I was bombarded with advice.

Family, friends, and the internet had me believing that I needed lots of things to aid my recovery.

So, I started purchasing essentials that everyone said I would need. I got nursing bras, robes, and a nursing pillow. I found a storage trolley with wheels online, which I bought because I had seen it in every single reel on Instagram.

I also got a large water bottle with a straw (the worst purchase I’ve made so far) and, ehem, hair loss serum.

Looking back on my journey as a new mom, I feel sorry for myself. Somehow, I was positive that those items could help me heal faster. Physically, some of them did—like the nursing pillow. The rest, though, not so much. I ended up giving away the large water bottle, the nursing bras, the hair loss serum, and the storage trolley.

My body had fully healed within five weeks, but mentally and emotionally, it took me nearly two years to heal, and no item on earth could have soothed the pain that was eating me alive.

All in all, my postpartum checklist was bullsh*t. It pushed me farther away from who I really was. I mean, I never wore robes, not even once. I hated water bottles with straws, and couldn’t stand wearing nursing bras.

I, unknowingly, had created a personal identity that ended up being fake and exhausting. It only made my finding my way back harder. That checklist was never the one I had needed.

I needed one thing and no one told me that I would struggle so much to find it:

I needed someone to acknowledge how hard things really were, and I wanted someone to normalize my difficult, mixed emotions.

When I used to admit how tired I was, people would say, “Of course, you’re a mom now.”

When I used to express how hard it was to accept my new body, they would say, “Of course, you just gave birth.”

When I used to burst into tears because I was struggling to adjust, they would say, “Things will eventually be fine.”

People gave me facts, which I already knew. I knew I would eventually get my body back. I knew I would eventually adjust. I knew that motherhood is tiring. I heard inevitable truths, but I didn’t hear the right words.

When women give birth, they don’t need endless checklists. They don’t need unsolicited advice or information. All we need is emotional validation. We need unconditional understanding. The transition to motherhood can be an exhausting experience as new moms learn to adapt to their new normal.

Their emotions constantly fluctuate between anxiety and fatigue and profound love and joy. They are pushed to grow in new ways that aren’t familiar. The loss of self and routine can shake a woman’s life and negatively impact her mental health. So, people can’t keep on acting as if this is all normal…because it’s not.

Postpartum depression is real, and it might take new moms years to recover and rediscover who they are. Emotional support matters more than anything else. Yes, we appreciate meals. We appreciate those who held our baby just so we could take a quick shower. But the ones we will never forget are those who could see us—really see us. The ones who looked us in the eye and asked, “How are you? Be honest.”

So, please, no more endless checklists.

The only thing that’s on mine is validation.

~