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I notice, as I sit down to write this, a flicker of self-consciousness. Shame, even.

My inner critic mutters: “Haven’t you already written three articles about manifesting and money? Aren’t people going to get sick of this?”

But I’m writing anyway. Because what I uncovered recently has shifted something deep in me. And if it can shift something in me, maybe it will in you too.

I used to think I’d already uncovered all my money and manifesting blocks. I’d written about worthiness, about the nervous system, about my old belief that I had to struggle in order to feel safe.

But then one tiny detail revealed itself—and suddenly, everything made sense.

It was such a subtle shift, one I almost dismissed. Yet it was the missing piece that made the final blocks come tumbling down. The reason I could feel worthy but still not actually receive.

The Layer Beneath Worthiness

I’ve written before about my core belief around needing to struggle in order to feel safe. I’ve written about how the nervous system must feel safe before we can manifest anything lasting.

But a couple of days ago, another layer dropped in.

It was about receiving.

My sister once said to me, “You need to learn to receive.” At the time, I knew what she meant but I didn’t really know what she meant. But I’ve been circling around it ever since.

One way I’ve practiced is through nature: pausing with flowers and trees, not just walking past them but letting them in. Letting myself be impacted by their beauty. Allowing myself to be moved.

And I realized something important: I had a wound around receiving.

It wasn’t just about nature. When a Stripe notification came through—money from a client—my body went oddly numb. Not because I didn’t care, but because I couldn’t let it in, as if it was freezing myself. My reaction didn’t match the reality.

Something was blocking me.

Worthiness versus Deservingness

I kept circling the word deservingness. At first, I thought it was the same as worthiness. As a therapist, I felt embarrassed I couldn’t articulate the difference.

But when I finally sat with it, the penny dropped:

>> Worthiness is intrinsic. It’s unconditional. It says: I am valuable simply because I exist. Like flowers blooming, or birds singing, or animals resting in their skin. We don’t expect them to prove themselves before we accept them. They just are.

>> Deservingness, however, is conditional. It’s the belief that you have the right to receive, enjoy, and keep something—money, love, attention, success. It’s shaped by family, culture, and experience.

And here’s the kicker: we can feel worthy while still not feeling deserving.

That was me. My worthiness was intact. I did believe, deep down, that I mattered. But when it came to deserving—allowing myself to take in the good—my nervous system shut the door.

The Core Wound Beliefs

As I explored, I began to hear the scripts running inside me:

>> If I take it in, I’ll lose it.

>> If I want it too much, I’ll be punished or abandoned.

>> If I shine or charge fully, I’ll trigger rejection or humiliation.

No wonder I would hear an inner “How dare you?” when I considered raising my prices or celebrating my success.

And no wonder sabotage showed up. At my acting showcase, I lost my phone an hour before. In school, I derailed myself in my A-levels. In my MA, I pulled back just when things mattered most.

It wasn’t laziness. It was protection. If my heart longed for something, then receiving it felt too dangerous.

Where This Comes From

This wound doesn’t start with money. It begins with attachment.

>> For example, an inconsistent parent could teach us not to trust the good. Don’t settle in. Don’t relax. It won’t last.

>> For example, a parent who promises a new family life and then vanishes could teach us that what is given can vanish without explanation.

When this happens, our body learns: don’t take it in. Don’t receive too deeply. Don’t want too much.

Practicing Micro-Moments of Receiving

So how do we shift this? Not with a magic wand. With practice.

I’ve started practicing micro-receiving. These are small, deliberate moments where I let myself feel the good:

>> Staying with a sunset a minute longer than feels comfortable.

>> Allowing a compliment to land instead of brushing it away.

>> Breathing with a Stripe notification and noticing what safety or joy that money can bring.

These are nervous-system exercises. They expand our capacity slowly. You don’t start with the big things like “visualize $30,000.” You start with the tiny drops of gold that life offers daily.

It’s like building a muscle. With each micro-moment, my body and nervous system learns: it’s safe to take in.

The Re-do

The other practice that has been transformational is what I call a re-do in EMDR.

You don’t need a perfect memory of the wound. You can work with the feeling.

Here’s how:

1. Imagine your younger self—the one who learned that receiving was dangerous. See her face. Feel her sadness, her longing, her fear.

2. Bring in your adult self or a protector team. Stand with her, steady and loving. Say the words she needed to hear:

“I’m here. I’ll never leave you. It’s safe to receive.”

3. Give the medicine. Maybe you hug her. Maybe you let her cry. Maybe you surround her with safety.

4. Install the new belief. Repeat gently whilst tapping bilaterally.

“It’s safe to take in. It’s safe to keep good things. I am allowed.”

5. Feel it in your body. Notice if a little warmth, relief, or calm comes in.

The brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination and memory. When we offer our younger selves the care they didn’t get, the nervous system rewires.

Radical Self-Love

The last piece for me has been radical self-love.

I don’t mean bubble baths or affirmations. I mean showering love on my thoughts, my feelings, my body—even the parts I’ve criticized for years.

When my shoulder aches, I send it kindness. When my hair frizzes, I love it anyway. When my skin feels dry, I thank it for holding me.

When I feel angry or ashamed, I try to love those feelings. Self-love is about loving the parts that feel difficult to love.

This too is receiving. Receiving my own love, instead of deflecting or dismissing it.

It feels weird at first. Out of my comfort zone. But it changes something fundamental: it builds the capacity to receive from myself.

Why This Matters

This isn’t just about money. It’s about life.

When we don’t feel deserving, we block not only abundance but also love, joy, and creative fulfillment. We sabotage opportunities. We numb out. We shrink.

But when we begin to practice deservingness—in tiny micro-moments, in re-dos, in self-love—we open the channel.

For me, this work has already shifted how I show up in therapy, in coaching, and in acting. It helps me take in roles more fully, receive love more deeply, and stop sabotaging my heart’s desires.

Because if life itself is a masterpiece, then receiving is how we hold the paintbrush.

What I discovered is that sometimes it isn’t the big dramatic breakthroughs that change our lives—it’s the tiny distinctions. For me, it was realizing the difference between worthiness and deservingness.

That subtle shift unlocked everything: the numbness around money, the self-sabotage before opportunities, the grief that surfaced when I got close to what I wanted.

It taught me that healing isn’t about forcing ourselves to “think positive.” It’s about retraining the nervous system, moment by moment, to believe it’s safe to receive.

And when we do, the life we dream of doesn’t feel out of reach anymore. It begins to land—one sunset, one payment, one hug, one act of self-love at a time.

~