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Caregiving is difficult, but it is also an opportunity to help someone with a physical, emotional, or spiritual infirmity.

For an empath’s unique skills, caregiving is a natural role and can be experienced even as a privilege in which to shine.

In the 1990s, when both parents became ill at different points, I became the caregiver. I am thankful that I could bring them more peace and stability in their final days. They didn’t have to be alone or without the eyes of love. I was their advocate, their rock, a familiar, gentle and patient face in the storm. My father told others, “Judith is holding me under her wing.”

Healthy caregiving means sometimes stepping away from the person you are helping in order to meditate, sleep, attend to your own health, watch a funny movie, or talk to a friend. Also, snuggle with your animal companions or stuffed animal friends to nourish your inner child, who often gets lost in the caregiving process.

Whether you’re helping a friend recover from an injury or supporting a parent through a serious illness, here are five practical caregiving tips.

Practical Tips for Caregivers

These tips are taken from the book, The Genius of Empathy. Learn more here.

Beware of Smothering Generosity

Sometimes you can help too much and smother people with generosity. Though you mean well, without knowing it, you become intrusive, hovering, or nervously fuss over someone. You infantilize them by frequently asking, “Are you any better, honey? Are you in pain?” From the recipient’s perspective, it can feel like you are treating them as a sick, helpless baby.

Appreciate the Pros and Cons of Being a Super-Giver

Being a super-giver offers you a sense of purpose in that you’re contributing to someone’s life. Also, there are real benefits for the recipient. Super-givers have high energy. They get things done and advocate for a patient. Even so, super-givers can overcompensate for their fear of abandonment or rejection by doing too much. Their subconscious motive is that by making themselves indispensable, there’s less chance that the person will leave them. In reality, this isn’t always true.

Know the Difference between Worry and Concern

Worry is when you focus your anxiety on a specific target, such as the health of the person you are caring for. Being someone who chronically worries may be an attempt to gain control or overcome a sense of helplessness about a situation. Naturally, legitimate concerns arise when someone is ill, but worry takes concern into the area of suffering. To worry is to be human. However—and I know this may be hard to absorb—worry doesn’t help.

Cultivate Tolerance and Patience

People who are suffering from acute or chronic pain or illness or are immobile can be irritable or just in a plain mean mood. Still, if you’re caring for someone cranky or mean, try to understand what’s going on. Particularly if the person is dying, cut them some slack and stop trying to change them.

Tolerance means being able to “live and let live” without correcting someone’s beliefs or behavior. With caregiving, it may mean tolerating someone’s frustrating attitude or ongoing pain. Be patient with them.

Reach Out for Support and Resources

If you’re helping someone who is chronically ill or terminal, it is lifesaving for you to seek help and to delegate. I understand the impulse to want to do everything yourself. After all, you are the person who knows and loves the patient the most—and you may feel uncomfortable bringing in a “stranger.” If you’re not a “joiner” or “group person,” you might feel more comfortable with online support. You can participate in Zoom or phone meetings where you can simply listen.

As a caregiver, be sure to take time for yourself to replenish and relax.

In addition, you can use the Serenity Prayer to keep you centered:

Grant me the serenity

To accept the people or things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

~