Six Sexy Steps to not go broke over a Wedding.

I spent a lot for me, and went broke. But we splurged on some things, and saved money elsewhere, and overall I spent just over half of the US average—average!—of $36,000.

So here’s a few hot tips from someone who did a lot of things right, and still learned the hard way:

1. Borrow a friends’ lawn or rent a cheap place (Don’t call it a wedding and you get a pretty heavy discount) like a park or a garden. Where I live there’s a gorgeous overlook amphitheater with the mountains and the plains and the sunset and…it’s like $300 bucks.

2. Invite friends to bring china, a few chairs, and tables. Community actually makes things sweeter, not “cheap” in a bad way.

3. Cook up some good food, no need for fancy BS, or ask everyone to pitch in: just some old-fashioned potluck in corningware. Some of my favorite weddings have been simple, grassroots, co-created.

4. DJ? Create a playlist or two with your loved one. It’s more personal, takes time together focusing on memories and meaning and love…and then you’re genuinely psyched when the songs come up.

5. Just wear something nice or secondhand (we found Gunne Sax, and the like) and ask everyone to dress up with what they already have. Diamonds are silly. You can do it (we did) but know that what’s important is that it’s personal and meaningful and, hopefully, eco—we want to care for the planet, so it’ll be around for our love and our children, if we want to have children. We got an antique ruby from a local shop, and two antique rings…which is a fancy way of saying “already existing, already cherished.” When we resized our rings we added a bit of each gold to the other’s ring.

6. Photographer? Ask friends to take a few nice pictures and videos and share with you the next day. And encourage folks to not take photos at various times, and just enjoy and be present. Too many cell phones raised at weddings, too many folks missing out on firsthand memories.

Now that’s hot. That’s how weddings have been all over the world through history. Just a sweet, celebratory party with friends and family. Make sure to make memories, make out—and, that night, make love.

Save some dough for the honeymoon, and don’t add financial stress to this sacred, precious, once-in-a-lifetime (well, usually) moment.

So yeah: love one another. Be best friends. Communicate even when it’s hard.