My inner voice has always been my greatest enemy.

It has never motivated me.

In fact, it has stopped me many times from pursuing goals and dreams that I genuinely care about. I’ve heard it play out negative phrases about what I can or can’t do…and I’ve believed it.

Recently, I’ve realized that my inner voice doesn’t reflect my true strengths; it doesn’t represent me.

The only thing it represents is my past…

It represents the little child who was shielded from important challenges and mistakes that were crucial for her development. She was severely overprotected and thought the world was an unsafe place.

Now I know the factors that have led to my constant self-doubt and hesitation. I know how challenging it is to keep battling with feelings of inadequacy, regardless of how strong and capable others might think you are.

My lack of self-trust may have started in childhood, but it can end in adulthood. With consistent actions and practice, I can rebuild the sense of confidence I have never felt before. I can learn to trust myself and intuition without impulsively following the inner voice in my head that keeps criticizing me.

Between you and me, a lack of self-trust is tiring. It wrecks your whole life if you let it control you. That’s why we must be aware and identify the obstacles that might stand between us and the life we crave.

Here are three major ones:

1. Overthinking. I’m an overthinker, so I know why I like to think ahead of time. Getting stuck in a loop of constant thinking makes me feel safe because I’m often scared of the consequences. I second-guess my decisions and take my time for life-changing choices. But my overthinking stems from a fear of failure. When I excessively analyze problems or challenging situations, I know that my mind is trying to protect me from a possible disappointment.

Self-trust requires bravery. When we trust ourselves, we know it’s going to be alright, even if we “fail.” We tackle problems head-on without avoidance or fear. When we trust ourselves, we trust our decisions. We know they’re right—at least for the moment. So if we want to elevate our confidence, we need to listen to our intuition carefully and think about certain situations mindfully. Instead of spending excessive time worrying, we take the right actions and reframe our thoughts.

2. Negative self-talk. I’ve always underestimated the power of that incessant voice in my head. The dialogue that we hear can either trigger positive feelings or feelings of inadequacy. My inner voice points out my flaws and failures. It often demotivates me and tells me I’m going to fail. However, when I change the direction of my negative self-talk, I instantly take more risks and encourage myself.

So start paying attention to what you tell yourself about you. Do you think you’re a failure? Do you often feel stupid? Do you think that nobody likes you? All these wrong assumptions can lower your self-esteem and make you think that you should give up. Identify the negative stories. Challenge your false beliefs and transform them into something better. Fake it till you make it.

3. Perfectionism. Here’s what I know about the desire for wanting everything to go perfectly: it’s a mental trap. When I set high standards for myself, I know I’m scared of the unknown. My underlying fear of failure pushes me to perfect everything I do just so I can control the outcome (that might be disappointing). But the more perfection I try to reach, the more anxious I feel. I keep creating endless cycles of disappointments for myself whenever I don’t meet my predetermined expectations.

If we trust ourselves, we don’t run after perfectionism. We set realistic goals instead and trust that we will do the best we can without pushing ourselves too hard. Our perfectionistic mindset decreases when we trust in the process and our own effort—not results.

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