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A post shared by Leslie Molina (@oh_long_leslie)

They walk in scared, confused, and wondering if this is really the place for them.

They sit, fumble, or stay silent for a bit before they slowly begin to open up about what brings them to therapy—but only after they feel safe. Safe enough to trust that they will be heard, not judged. That their struggles won’t be dismissed, their silence won’t be misunderstood, and their pain won’t be mocked.

Even when they begin to share, it’s mostly about what they can’t seem to do, what they’re failing at. And when I gently ask, “How do you really feel?”—they pause, they deflect, they bypass.

Men often struggle to understand, articulate, and connect with their emotions. Most are stuck in their heads, disconnected from their hearts—not because they are emotionless or purely logical, but because they were never taught what to do with their emotions. Sadness, loneliness, disappointment, helplessness—these are feelings they were never given tools to process. This emotional gap has been passed down through generations where boys were raised to be capable, productive, successful—but not sensitive, not soft, not emotional.

If they were low, sad, upset, or cried, they were told to “man up,” to “stop crying like a girl.” They were laughed at, shut down, dismissed. Vulnerability wasn’t just discouraged—it was punished. So they buried it. Hid it. Disconnected from it to the point where they forgot how to feel.

Even today, in a world that is more open about emotional and mental health, many men are still trying to find their way. No, they don’t have it all together. They’re just holding on, doing their best not to fall apart because they don’t know any other way.

Most men handle their emotions by not handling them at all. They drown themselves in work, distractions, and responsibilities. Because the moment they slow down, the silence becomes deafening, and the buried emotions start to rise and they have no clue what to do with them. So they suppress them. Again and again.

They meet friends and talk about everything except how they feel. They joke about their stress, their failures, their emptiness because they fear being judged.

They hit the gym, play games, drink, smoke, anything to numb the ache inside. Anything to avoid facing what’s really going on. And then there are those who do none of this—who just silently suffer. You see it in their eyes, their posture, their tired bodies. They’re screaming for a break, for some understanding, for peace.

We’ve been told that men are more logical. But logic doesn’t cancel out humanity. Men are emotional beings too. Emotional intelligence isn’t missing it, it’s just been left unexplored, unacknowledged, undeveloped. They’ve been taught to succeed and provide but not to sit with their emotional reality. For many, that’s a completely foreign land.

But is this how it’s supposed to be?

No.

Because when men begin to feel safe, truly safe, and start unlearning the narratives that have caged them for so long, something beautiful happens. They soften. They open up. They begin to understand that vulnerability doesn’t make them less of a man—it makes them more human. They begin to listen to themselves, to trust both their logic and their emotions. They become more grounded, more powerful, more whole. And in doing so, they become the anchors others can lean on—not because they’re pretending to be strong, but because they’ve embraced their full selves.

To support boys and men better, both men and society need to unlearn a few things:

1. That emotions are weakness. Vulnerability is courage, not a flaw.

2. That men must always have it together. Everyone struggles. Everyone deserves help.

3. That crying is unmanly. Emotions are human—not gendered.

4. That achievement defines worth. Being present, connected, and real matters just as much.

5. That talking about mental health is shameful. Speaking up is strength.

6. That real men don’t need support. Everyone needs connection.

7. That pushing through is the only option. Rest and reflection are essential.

8. That success is everything. Authenticity, joy, and self-awareness are just as important.

And to all the men reading this, you don’t have to keep holding it all in. You don’t have to carry the weight of silence any longer.

You can begin with small steps:

1. Start by noticing how you feel, even if you don’t have words for it yet. Awareness is the first step.

2. Journal your thoughts or emotions without editing or judging them. Let them out.

3. Talk to someone you trust—a friend, therapist, coach. Saying things out loud can be freeing.

4. Pay attention to your body. It often shows what your mind avoids. Tension, fatigue, restlessness—these are emotional cues too.

5. Practice naming emotions. Use tools or emotion wheels if needed. Giving something a name reduces its power over you.

6. Allow yourself to rest without guilt. You don’t always have to be doing to be worthy.

7. Let yourself be supported. You don’t have to be everything for everyone all the time.

You were never meant to do it all alone. You’re not failing by feeling—you’re growing. You’re not broken for needing help—you’re brave for seeking it.

It’s time we rewrite the story of what it means to be a man.

Not tougher. Not colder. Just truer.

More honest. More human. More whole.

~

You might like this one too: The Strength to Feel.