As a writer, sometimes the best gift you can give someone is your words rather than a package wrapped up with ribbons and bows, and an expensive card that will get placed in a drawer after a few weeks.

Last year, I wrote an article here on Elephant Journal for my dad on Father’s Day: Three Promises for my Dad on Father’s Day.

I found myself re-reading it this year ahead of Father’s Day and pondering if I had followed through with my promises. We often have these grand ideas and they fall away after a few weeks, or months. Not unlike the dreaded New Year Resolution.

In my previous article, I said:

“These are words but they are not just words. They are a promise. This year I’d like to promise to listen more than I speak. I promise to create more opportunities for shared experiences. And I promise to try to laugh with you as often as possible.

Why? Because I want to be able to write more letters with more memories, and the only way to create new memories is to continue to have conversations, to share experiences, and to light up our lives.”

To be honest, I think I tried to follow through with them but I could have done a better job of it. I won’t speak for you, because these were my promises to you.

It was a challenging year—for us both. Instead of leaning on each other, we often walked our own paths…coming together and separating, coming together and separating. We always met and touched-in. We were never far from each other’s orbits, but frankly, we lived in different worlds.

On reflection, I think that I tried to listen but sometimes I got frustrated and wanted to be listened to instead.

I think that we did make time for new, shared experiences and memories but we could have done a better job by not thinking of them as “special” and rather, as a normal thing to do.

And I think we laughed but not nearly enough. Never enough!

Right now we’re raw. We’re adjusting to a new “normal” after the loss of someone dear to both of us. We’re juggling responsibilities and life and the chaotic times we live in. We’re tired. But we are both people who live to help others, to love others, and to show up for others.

And so on this Father’s Day, I am making you three more promises.

First, I promise to never stop loving you. Even when we haven’t spoken in weeks or if we’ve had a conversation that was hard, really hard. Even when there’s not room in the kitchen for both of us to cook, or when you’re tired of my favorite TV show playing on repeat and beg me to change it. I promise to always love you because I know that no matter what, you will always be there if I need you, loving me.

My second promise will take some work, so be patient with me, please. I’ve already promised to listen more than I talk. This time I promise to (try) to respond more than I react. I am not always swayed by my emotions, but when I am? They are loud emotions!

And my third promise, this year, is one that was inspired by this week’s podcast from Waylon Lewis on Walk the Talk Show. I promise to encourage us to welcome change in our relationship as we take on new challenges and begin to live this new “normal.” Relationships that are lasting should be able to bend like a branch in the wind, snapping back into place without injury but with growth…new leaves, and new, longer branches. Maybe even stronger branches. I promise to welcome growth.

And perhaps I’ll offer a fourth, bonus promise. I seriously don’t think we laughed enough last year. And so I promise to try to laugh with you far more than we cry, or at least, laugh a little as we cry…because mourning the loss of someone in our lives will bring both tears, and smiles. And I want us to be fully present for them both.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

Love always,
Molly

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