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Lasting love is possible…we all want it.

But we don’t always know how to keep it.

Creating happiness in our romantic relationships is slowly becoming an arduous task that’s leaving couples drained and hopeless.

In an age where misinformation and bad advice are accelerating, it’s difficult to keep up with the truth. All the marriages that have ended in divorce are the proof. Divorce rates have significantly increased over the past century, making us believe that building long-term relationships is impossible.

So, we’re trying.

We’re trying hard to maintain our relationships and put what we’re reading and watching into action. We’re focusing on communication, respect, trust, and quality time. We’re reconnecting with our partner sexually and prioritizing intimacy. We’re giving each other space. We’re being supportive.

Our generation is the first to recognize the difficulty of relationships, and we’re meeting all the problems head-on. I’ve been with my husband for seven years, and I know how challenging it is to keep the romance alive. But I also know that sometimes it’s the little things that make a big difference.

Sex, respect, trust, and so on are all crucial elements that keep couples together. But, from experience, the one thing that truly holds relationships together is emotional responsiveness. Without it, our relationships are doomed. They may last for decades, but they won’t be fulfilling; they won’t grow.

What is emotional responsiveness?

It’s our ability to:

>> tune into our partner and their needs
>> actively listen to them
>> empathize with them
>> validate their emotions
>> make them feel heard
>> make them feel important
>> understand their struggles
>> accept their vulnerability
>> ease their overwhelm
>> support their choices
>> alleviate their suffering
>> be kind to them

Your level of emotional responsiveness can absolutely dictate how happy your relationship will be because the opposite of being emotionally responsive is:

>> avoidance
>> withdrawal
>> rejection
>> judgment
>> criticism
>> rudeness
>> defensiveness

All that and more can trigger feelings of shame, resentment, and anxiety. When we’re not able to tune into our partner’s needs and emotions, they might feel alone and rejected. They might pull away or engage in more fights. However, when we give our partner permission to express their needs freely without fear or worry, we reconnect with them on a deeper level and restore intimacy.

When we open our hearts, we tell our partner that they’re allowed to feel and approach us safely. We tell them that their suffering and overwhelm are not a problem. Their pain won’t stop us from making them feel safe. But to open our hearts, we must first open our minds and grasp the complexity of relationships. We must understand that the real threat is not our partner; it’s our ego that constantly stops us from providing the right support.

When we tame our ego, we increase our empathy. We might not be equipped with the right emotional tools at the beginning of a relationship, and that’s okay. The good news is that couples can learn to build emotional responsiveness over time and get to practice it whenever conflicts or problems arise.

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