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I was eight years old when I burst into tears in front of 32 other children.

I’d always been the highest-ranking student, up until that dreadful morning. Being ranked second in my class…made me feel awful. Although it wasn’t too bad, I gave myself a hard time for not studying hard enough…!

I felt guilty. Ashamed. Furious. I wasn’t even able to look at myself in the mirror.

Fast-forward to today: I still give myself a hard time when I don’t exercise hard enough, eat junk food, or lash out after a tiring day. Sometimes I feel that I’m obsessed with self-improvement even if it’s at the cost of my well-being.

The truth is, we’re living in difficult times. The more reels we watch, the more inadequate we can feel. Even simple metrics like comments and views can trigger our anxiety and impact our self-esteem.

We just can’t be ordinary people. And no one tells us it’s okay to be ordinary, anyway…

We are forced to be better at a young age. They teach us that falling behind is a problem—that the only way to be loved and accepted is to be an achiever.

Even when it comes to spirituality, the comparison mentality haunts us. Whatever we do, it’s just never good enough…

“We must be willing to be completely ordinary people, which means accepting ourselves as we are without trying to become greater, purer, more spiritual, more insightful. If we can accept our imperfections as they are, quite ordinarily, then we can use them as part of the path. But if we try to get rid of our imperfections, then they will be enemies, obstacles on the road to our ‘self-improvement.'” ~ Chögyam Trungpa 

Self-improvement is a necessary aspect of life. We can only grow when we become aware of our shortcomings. We become better when we examine our words, actions, and reactions and how they impact others.

Consequently, self-improvement is good, but this is not:

>> Obsession with it
>> Expecting perfectionism
>> Feeling guilty 
>> Feeling inadequate
>> Self-criticism 
>> Dissatisfaction 
>> Stress
>> Burnout

Self-acceptance is a good antidote to the pursuit of perfection. Instead of trying to eradicate our flaws, we acknowledge them. Own them. Find acceptance within them.

“You yourself are your own obstacle. Rise above yourself.” ~ Hafiz

The only obstacles that are present are the ones we create. As Trungpa says, we can use our imperfections as part of the path. They can help us to become friends with ourselves—as we are. There’s nothing to change, but there’s so much to accept. To transform. To experience.

When our imperfections come up to the surface, we can learn to observe them. Without any labels or expectations, we identify the root cause, work on them, and accept their presence. That’s how we embrace our faults and be grateful for them.

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