My marriage has always been successful.

But no matter how hard we try to maintain emotional stability, we can never dodge life’s unexpected ups and downs.

Especially when it comes to relationships…their nature is rocky, sudden, and uncertain. But if we take the right action, we can transform their uncertainty into happiness and unparalleled beauty.

Before delving into the teachings of the Buddha, I thought that love was hard. My sense of safety and worth were dependent on my partner, and their presence (or absence) would highly dictate my happiness.

I suffered extensively—until I started incorporating Buddhism into my daily life. Although the Buddha never said anything about romantic love, his teachings changed my perception of relationships. Something within me opened up. Many barriers and misconceptions dissolved.

To this day, my marriage thrives because of many Buddhist concepts that ring true. I have realized that love isn’t hard. We are hard. The way we approach our partner and relationship is hard. Without a dash of spirituality, our relationships will always be filled with complications, chaos, and unnecessary trouble.

There are two Buddhist concepts that have changed my marriage for the better:

1. Shoshin.

Meaning: A beginner’s mind.

This concept has prevented many silly fights in my relationship. In Buddhism, having a beginner’s mind means having an open attitude and the willingness to relinquish old beliefs and misconceptions. When we approach things with “the mind of a beginner,” we make space for new ideas and ways. We stop functioning on autopilot and open up to different possibilities. This is essential in all relationships, but we often underestimate the power of thinking like a beginner.

We think we know how to handle our relationship problems, but the truth is we are deeply conditioned and keep repeating the same behavioral patterns that feel safe to us. When I practice shoshin in my relationship, I pause. I breathe. Instead of automatically re-enacting the past, I listen and examine new, healthier reactions. When I do that, I learn something new about my partner, myself, and the relationship. I learn that old ways don’t solve new conflicts.

2. Anicca.

Meaning: Impermanence.

One of the most beautiful things I have learned in Buddhism is that everything has a beginning and an end. We all know that, but we don’t always live intentionally. We don’t live with the end in mind, which is problematic—especially in relationships. When we are in love, we rarely think about endings; we only focus on beginnings. That’s beautiful in so many ways, but if we want to be happier, we must accept the fact that there are also many things that end in relationships on a daily basis. Plans change. Perspectives change. Emotions change. People change. We change.

When I accept the natural cycle of impermanence, I instantly drop my expectations and false assumptions. I no longer expect my partner to behave a certain way. I don’t force outcomes or emotions. I now understand that every moment is an opportunity—not an attachment. My partner and I make sure to flow with every situation, without being attached to the previous one. Furthermore, when we accept that every relationship will eventually end, we cherish our partner and the life we share with them.

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